Thursday, January 29, 2015

The Uneasy

First things first, I am totally ashamed of how long it's been since my last post. *SMH*

AND, soooooo much has happened. 

The biggest and best thing, we found out on September 20th, 2014 that we are expecting our third child in June. The surprises didn't stop there. At an early 12 weeks, we found out that HE is another BOY!  Repeat after me, SO MUCH BLUE. We also found out that I will be having him the end of May at the latest, rather than June. It's right around the corner now! 

In his ultrasounds, he is spunky and so full of energy. He punches the dopplar on a regular occasion. It's obvious he is ready to handle these energetic brothers of his. 

January, 15th we got to see his sweet face again. Daddy got to see him for the first time. His new police schedule doesn't always work around my appointment times. The ultrasound technician said she would consult with the doctor and be back in. 

A few minutes later, our emotions were changed. Instead of the tech coming in, the specialist did. That was a look I will never forget. He informed us that the baby's femur was measuring small. That being said, his risk of down syndrome increased substantially. With my other healthy pregnancies, this was never a concern, never even a thought really. The doctor was NOT saying that little man has down syndrome or doesn't, just that the increase of risk is there and we needed to be aware. 

I left the appointment confused. I obviously love this sweet baby and would no matter what. That was never a doubt. But, I doubted myself. Could I raise a child with a disability? Am I strong enough? How would this effect Layne and Hudson's childhood? 

Jordan sat very calm the entire drive home. He isn't worried, or at least isn't showing it. 

(We think he already looks like Hudson.)

The following week, I met with my regular OB. She had reviewed the images and report from the specialist and was equally confused. His dates and measurements didn't add up, for one thing. She reassured me not to worry until things have been cleared up. I will go in for another ultrasound in her office in four weeks. They will measure sweet boy again and see if the specialist was correct or totally off his rocker that day. 

Until now, only a few select friends and family members have known what's been going on. I am uneasy about the whole thing. At this point, I'm not worried or any more stressed... just uneasy. I am ready for some answers about my sweet baby. I'm ready for someone to take the time to give me those answers.

At this point, we could just use prayers for clarity and wisdom. Sweet boy's kicks, twists and turns, and totally uncomfortable movement reminds me that "Hey mama, I'm here. I'm healthy, movin' and groovin'." 

And, no... at 22 weeks pregnant, we do NOT have a name picked out. Middle name? Yes. First name? Not a chance. I've had to pick two other fabulous boy names, ya know. 

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