On May 1st of this year, I was so excited for December 30th to come. I couldn't wait to hold our third child in my arms, adding to our crazy and energetic family. On June 1st, I knew that this day would be one of the hardest of my life. I've dreaded it every day since. Here is is, right in front of me. December 30th, 2013, what should have been your "birthday". Sweet baby Three, I find so much peace knowing you are with Jesus and happy and healthy. I smile knowing you will never face this cruel world your daddy, brothers, and I live in. I cannot help, however, but wonder what you look like? How much you would have weighed, if you were a baby boy or baby girl? I already had your full name picked out, ya know.
I am the only person missing you today.
Isn't that crazy? Missing someone you never met. But, the trust is, I did meet you. You listened to my heart beat as I did everything possible to make sure you were safe and healthy.
I am the only person sad that you are not here with me.... Stop. How selfish of me. You are with our Savior, Jesus Christ. You are having the BEST birthday.
Mommy will always miss you, sweet pea. I will always wonder so many things. But, mommy is ready to move on. You will always hold the most special place in my heart. My life will never be the same as it was before losing you, but I will be happy. I am so happy with your brothers and your daddy.Mommy is ready to smile. Your sweet big brothers deserve Mama to be as happy as I can be. 7 Months later, mommy is ready.
Happy Birthday Baby! Eat some cake for me! I love you, to Heaven and back.
And, how cool is it that I will one day get to meet you and Jesus in the same day?!?
Until then.... Fly High Baby.
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